Original
- “99 Problems” by Jay-Z - “If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one”. Chorus taken from a single by Ice-T.
- Pop cover by Hugo - with a different melody and lyrics.
xkcd: Perl Problems
Two figures stand facing each other. One is wearing sunglasses.
Figure with sunglasses: If you're havin' Perl problems I feel bad for you, son-
Figure with sunglasses: I got 99 problems,
Figure with sunglasses: so I used regular expressions.
Figure with sunglasses: Now I have 100 problems.
Problem (Ariana Grande song)
wikipedia:Problem (Ariana Grande song)
- "Got one less problem without you."
"I've got 99 problems but you won't be one."
- Cover by Cimorelli
- Cover by Pentatonix
The Key of Awesome Parody
Ariana Grande - Problem ft. Iggy Azalea PARODY! Key Of Awesome #87
«Well, it's one less paycheck.»
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, I've got 99 verses, but they ain't that good.
Bart Baker Parody
Summerschool at the NSA
SGlau: So? How’s life?
Andrew: It sucks.
Daniel: Yes, it sucks.
SGlau: Ninety-nine problems, eh?
Daniel: And a bitch ain’t one? yes!
Andrew: Actually, I have a hundred problems.
SGlau: Ah, a significant other?
Andrew: Yes, and me being a soldier here makes her really bitchy.
SGlau: Nice, what is her name?
Andrew: Her name is Felicia, Ma’am.
SGlau: Nice name.
Andrew: Yes, nice name.
SGlau: I suppose serving here at the NSA is also one of your problems?
Daniel: Hey, this place is at least ninety of my problems.
Andrew: I wish it was less than that for me too. I was actually happier in Afghanistan.
.
.
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SGlau: Yes, you are right. I’m here to kick some serious NSA ass (not in the physical sense, of course), and make sure you two have ten and nine problems respectively.
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.
.
Daniel: Hey! How about one of us escorting you?
Andrew: Yeah, but who?
Daniel: Andrew, how about you this time?
Andrew: Heh — sure! If only to make my girlfriend jealous.
SGlau: And more bitchy!
Excerpt from "Athena Gets Laid"
Athena: So Mr. Wheaton… out of pure curiosity… are you single?
wilw: Well, in real life, I'm happily married. But, in this fic, I'm single.
Athena: You've got 99 problems …
wilw: … and a bitchin', sexy, significant other like you ain't one! Yes!!
Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris/etc. facts
- “Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch.”
- “Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems.”
- “Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems. And Chuck ain't one of them.”
#perl-cats "In Soviet Russia" Fortune
“I’ve got 99 problems but kent\n ain’t one.”
From IRC
rindolf: Yes, I’m single - I’ve got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.
rindolf: And yes, I realise that the guy who said that (Jay-Z) now has a 100th problem (a bitch) and a 101st problem (a child).
(See “Jay-Z entry” from the Beyoncé wikipedia.)
(P.S.: and now he reportedly has even more problems: a reported affair with his wife's sister, and a rumored divorce).
(P.P.S.: the couple appears to have remained together. Good for them.)